I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
