Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
