Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
