Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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