Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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