is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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