she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
