I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
