i think i have herpe
just one?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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