If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
birth control should be required to get into college
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
