im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
