i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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