Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
