I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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