you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
BRING THE BAGELS
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