do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
