he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
