TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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