accomplished twins. life is a go
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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