Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Randomize