Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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