I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
