next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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