I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
