You just made me feel so damn special
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
