So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
