when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
