Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
