No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
