I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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