We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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