I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
