don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
