Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize