We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
