i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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