on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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