Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
