uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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