i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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