I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
