he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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