The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
