Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
