she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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