I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
