Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
