Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
