Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
