I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
