there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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