Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
