So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
