Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
