He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
