if you like me you must not know who I am
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I AM VODKA MAN
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
