Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize