bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Come share oat with me in your robe
It was a blind-side dick pic.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
