Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
