If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
