i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
