we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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