As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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