when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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