so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
did i just pee glitter
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
