you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
