I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
