when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize