Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
