This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
