Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
