I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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