he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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