So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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