you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
