I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
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