You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
