whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
