Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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