i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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