My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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