I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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