allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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