You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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