Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
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