My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
do herpes really smell.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
