Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize