The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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