just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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