I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
