when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize