i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
