Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
