I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
