i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
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