is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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