So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
