6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
