2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
