I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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