God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
