fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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