I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
