He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
