I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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