So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
