a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
