you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I want a musical about memes.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize