He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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