when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
