I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize